


If He Remembers

by Aka_Karasu (Raven052)



Category: Diabolik Lovers
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M, update
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-04-22 07:17:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14303613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven052/pseuds/Aka_Karasu
Summary: Shu and Reiji rarely see eye to eye.But for once they have similar things on their minds.It's just that Shu would prefer not to think about it...





	1. Chapter 1

“You’re a fool.” 

Shu didn’t even bother to open his eyes, as usual. Nor did he bother to respond. He knew that Reiji would eventually get around to elaborating anyway.  
All he had to do was wait.  
“You know, of course, that you’re playing a very dangerous game with Yuma.”  
Ah. There it was then.  
Of course. Reiji was nothing if not consistent.  
“Still jealous of my childhood friend, Reiji?” Shu asked.  
He opened one eye to focus on his brother. “What’ll you do to vent your envy this time? I should think the Mukami’s will put up more of a fight than that village did, should you try to burn their home.”  
To this, Reiji simply sniffed, pushing himself away from the table he’d been leaning against.  
Shu closed his eye again.  
“Don’t be stupid.” Reiji replied. “You know that wasn’t an act of jealousy. Who could be jealous of you? I was teaching you a lesson for defying mothers wishes.” 

“And that went well, didn’t it?”  
Something crashed very close to Shu’s head, making him open his eyes again.  
It turned out Reiji had thrown a cup at him, and it had smashed against the arm of the couch.  
Shu looked up and saw the look on Reiji’s face.  
They were similar only in few ways. But one was certainly how little they gave away with their facial expressions.  
They told it all through their eyes. And the smallest changes that often only each other could read.  
Shu knew he’d struck a nerve.  
But he didn’t care. Reiji was whining about Yuma, and like hell was Shu going to allow him to think he could get away with taking Yuma away. Again.  
Reiji closed his eyes, trying to compose himself. “Would you listen?” He said, almost patiently. “I’m trying to warn you that the way you’re carrying on with Yuma… And your… Bizarre behaviour which almost makes me think you want him to remember-“ 

“And what’s wrong with wanting him to remember me?” Shu demanded, sitting up finally.  
Reiji’s eyes widened yet again. “So you do want him to remember?”  
Shu scowled, just slightly. “Is that so wrong? That I want him to know… How important he was to me back then? That… I never stopped… Thinking about him.”  
Reiji blinked.  
“And if he remembers? And he remembers what happened to his village, his family?”  
Shu looked up at Reiji, his eyes showing just a hint of malice. “That… I will deal with when it comes.”  
“You really think he’ll look at you the same when he remembers?”  
Shu stood up, heading towards the door. “Stop acting like you care, Reiji. I know this is just you trying to separate me from Edgar, again.” 

“Yuma.” Reiji corrected, making Shu freeze, cringing slightly as he realised he’d used the wrong name again.  
Shu stood at the door, his back to Reiji. “Some part of Yuma remembers me. I see it… In his eyes. And the way he…”  
He didn’t want to be so open, so honest with Reiji.  
They’d never been close, and this was far too intimate to share now.  
“And yet he has no idea why he feels such a pull towards you.” Reiji reminded him. “Don’t you worry that he might feel… Deceived. Tricked into this relationship if he remembers the truth of your past. You may have developed more… Romantic feelings over time but Yuma does not have those memories to grow into such feelings.”  
Reiji paused.  
“You know he fucks you out of instinct. Because he senses something about being close to you and you show him all the signs of being submissive to him.”  
Shu hadn’t moved.  
He hated Reiji for so many things.  
But most of all, for voicing the things Shu didn’t want to think about.  
“He doesn’t fuck you because he loves you. He has no idea what he feels about you, but you offer yourself up to him and that is the only reason he does it! And I, for one, think it’s disgusting! That you lie down and let him-“ 

“Shut up, Reiji.” Shu said, quietly.  
But the threat in Shu’s voice was unmistakeable.  
Reiji had crossed a line.  
And for once, Reiji had sense enough to realise it. 

Shu looked around, fixing his gaze on Reiji. “Quit your whining. You have no idea how much it hurts that he doesn’t remember. Or how scared I am that he will remember, and leave.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And when he did remember...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added an extra chapter to this fic now as I finally got it the way I wanted! (Yes I know there's a canon version of Yuma remembering the past but I wanted something a little different that fit in with the storyline I'm creating. Hope you enjoy it!)

A door slammed, and at first Shu intended not to respond, as usual.   
But then something told him, and he knew. Yuma was here.   
But Yuma never came into the house, not without Shu leading him inside. He’d come to the garden. Always the garden first, like he couldn’t bring himself to step inside unless he was forced to. (Did Shu ever force? No. But he suspected Yuma told himself that anyway.) 

Shu knew then, already, that something was different. Something had happened.   
He could hear Yuma getting closer.   
He sat up just as the door to his room was thrown open.   
Shu got to his feet. His eyes just a little wide as he took the other vampire in.   
“… Edgar.” He said. 

There was a dangerous look in Yuma’s eyes, more dangerous than Shu had seen before and he knew. He knew.   
He remembers.  
Oh God.   
He remembers.   
Shu found himself pinned against the wall, a hand around his throat and he closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see that hate, that rage on Yuma’s face.  
On Edgar’s face.   
Because this was it, wasn’t it? He remembered, and he hated Shu for it.   
“Was it fun?” Yuma hissed. “Was it fun playing with me when you knew- you knew! “ 

“I love you.” Shu said, weakly.   
The grip on his throat tightened.   
“LIAR!” 

Shu flinched but only barely.   
He’d prepared himself for this. He’d tried to anyway.   
“I’m not lying.” 

“You tricked me.” Yuma accused. “You knew I didn’t remember our past and you used that against me! You played with me because you knew I didn’t understand why you were familiar to me! You used me for your own amusement!”   
Shu tried to shake his head, but he could barely move.   
“I didn’t. I never wanted to hurt you.” 

“That whole village. My village. Everyone I knew. They all died! Because of you!”   
“I didn’t want it. I didn’t want that.” Shu protested. “Edgar. All I wanted was… All I wanted was to be with you, but I wasn’t even allowed that much. I wasn’t allowed to be happy.” 

“Stop calling me by that name.” Yuma hissed. “Edgar died in that fire. Don’t you get it? You destroyed him!”   
“I always loved you. Even as a kid. I just. Didn’t understand it back then.”   
Silence, and Shu could feel Yuma’s glare on him.   
He hated him. Completely and utterly hated him.   
All along Shu had known this was how it would go. But, some ridiculous part of him had hoped. Hoped that Yuma would understand. And they could repair. And maybe this time… They could be happy? He didn’t have the pressures he’d had back then. No one expected much from him. He’d be left alone to do as he pleased.   
He and Yuma could have happily carried on together.   
But. Hadn’t he learnt, over and over. He was only allowed brief spells of happiness. Then it would always. Always be snatched from him again.   
He sighed, slumping within Yuma’s grip.   
“If this is it. And you hate me. Could you do me the favour of destroying me?”   
Stunned silence.   
And finally Shu dared open his eyes.  
The fury hadn’t quite gone from Yuma’s eyes.   
But it had retreated, just a little.   
He was still frowning. But it wasn’t such a look of ferocious anger anymore. He looked… Confused? Conflicted perhaps even.   
Shu blinked, slowly.   
Would he do it now? Would this be the end of it all?   
He supposed he could accept that.   
But instead, with a frustrated growl, Yuma let go of him and immediately turned away, leaving the room.   
Shu watched him go. Then slowly, slowly sunk to the floor.   
He could sense his brothers all gathering. Curious at the door. Looking to see what the noise had been.  
He wanted to yell at them all to leave him alone. Not one of them would offer him help. 

He wasn’t crying. Wasn’t screaming. Nothing, nothing came out of him. His last shred of hope had gone. And what was worse, is that he hadn’t even realised he still had that shred of hope until recently and now. Now it was already lost.   
Edgar, Yuma hated him. He’d lost him entirely and Shu hadn’t realised how much this could still hurt. He didn’t know he could still feel anything like this.   
He’d gone so numb. Ever since seeing Edgar running into the fire of his village. He’d been a shell. Going through life not because he wanted to, but because it was expected.   
Then he’d seen Yuma, the vampire and known it was Edgar and he’d. He’d been allowed to hope.   
How unfair. How cruel.   
He’d been allowed to touch him.   
To love him. And to maybe, maybe believe that he was loved in return.   
He’d come to love Yuma just as surely as he’d loved the human boy he’d once been.   
Now he was allowed neither. 

One of his brothers had come into the room, finally.   
Of course, Subaru.   
He knelt down beside Shu and tentatively held out his hand. Why were they all so awful at comforting each other? Why did none of them know how?  
And yet Shu was grateful for his silence.   
Subaru wasn’t foolish enough to tell him it was alright. He knew it wasn’t. He knew it couldn’t be. 

That it never would be again?

**Author's Note:**

> It's been approximately a million years since I posted my first Shuuma fic but I finally made it back! 
> 
> There might be a part two to this.  
> Currently I'm not liking how the second part turned out... But I'll keep working on it! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!


End file.
